Time Is All Around

Photo: Mountain Gallivanter on Flickr

Photo: Mountain Gallivanter on Flickr

For whatever reason, somewhere in the transition from summer to fall, I find myself  in this place of reflection. Forgive me. This entry is full-on stream of consciousness.  It probably won’t make as much sense to you as it does in my head, but it needed to come out of me.

Moments of depression and sorrows of heart; these things have formed parts of me.  I carry myself by my heart. I must allow myself the right to error, and to learn from my mistakes. I can’t be too hard on myself for doing those things. I can’t be perfect all the time (no matter how much I wish I could) and nobody expects me to be. At times when my heart aches, or I’m overcome with those bad butterflies, it can be difficult to see the lesson or the reason, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t one.

I’m finally at a point where I can see how some of those bad roads and unfortunate situations have led me to the right places at the right times. It’s my nature to think too much about things, to wonder and to worry. This has caused me a significant amount of anxiety in my life. Dressing up ugly issues to try and make them prettier than they actually are doesn’t get you anywhere. I’m trying to stop fidgeting and deal.

I definitely have a better notion of wasted time and energy now than I did even a year ago. Life leaves a certain number of bruises on you. We flip back and forth between failures and successes, gaining battle scars along the way. Douglas Coupland said, “Failure is authentic, and because it’s authentic, it’s real and genuine, and because of that, it’s a pure state of being.” And success, what is it? Does it turn us into plastic dolls? Why does feeling defeated hold with it such realism, and succeeding holds with it the obsession to maintain some level of hierarchy in our lives?

I read something years ago, which I still think about, “There are people in the universe who will not get along or have their energy agree. So just walk away, respecting individuality. Kiss off, as they say, because if anything, kisses- even to the air- are beautiful.”

Sometimes we just need to take some time to relax and surround ourselves with wonderful people.

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3 thoughts on “Time Is All Around

  1. Most people say that Spring is the season of change, but I disagree. With Autumn comes falling leaves and cleansing rains, essentially washing away the old and metaphorically presenting you with a bare, brand-new canvas for your life. Such contemplations are healthy and progressive, so go with the flow and be excited for what they’ll eventually lead to.

  2. This is a wonderfully reflective post. And I agree with Keira-Anne… Fall harbours change more so than Spring. It has always signified new beginning what with it being the start to a new school year for so many years of our lives. I am also doing a lot of reflection on my life right now and figuring out how I can approach life with optimism and positivity rather than worry and anxiety. It’s a difficult task… but I’m looking forward to change and new beginnings. Good luck to you and your crossroads. 🙂

  3. Great post. It’s important to surround ourselves with supportive, happy people whose energies mesh with our own.

    Us women worry so much, don’t we? I’m not sure why our gender is so prone to worry and anxiety, but it’s definitely not healthy. I’ve found lately that yoga and even 15 minutes of meditation before bed really helps distance myself from my thoughts. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in ourselves that a little distance can make everything seem a lot clearer.

    I look forward to this journey of reflection and change that you are going through… I will definitely be walking with you!

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